There are times in your life when you will feel as though you are being propelled forward in leaps and bounds. You get the green light every step of the way and you feel unstoppable. Then, there are other times when you will be challenged to crawl inch by painful inch. Times when you feel so tired, defeated and discouraged you’re not sure that you can take another step, but somehow you do. And little by little, despite your uncertainty, despite your doubt, each inch moves you forward. Each inch helps you build the momentum you need that will launch you into your next phase of moving in leaps and bounds.
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When you are moving in leaps and bounds, life feels easy, but when you are crawling inch by inch…not so much. So, let’s talk about how to find the courage to keep moving forward during times like this, especially when you are feeling drained, defeated and doubtful that you are making any progress at all.

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Before sharing my ideas on how to move through times like this, I want to share with you that I am currently in one of these inch by inch stages, and it’s not my first rodeo. Hell, it’s not even my second or third.

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On January 5th, I was laid off from my 9-5 job. This experience stirred up a lot of self-doubt, triggered many rejection wounds, and created a lot of uncertainty in my life. Since I’ve had copious amounts of time to sit with my thoughts, I’ve also found myself going down some pretty deep rabbit holes about what it means to be turning 30 later this year, and the grief I feel around the passage of time. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night longing for the past and feeling anxious about the future.
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One of the gifts about having so much time has been that I have been able to create again and return to this work I love doing with the Self-Love Garden. However, I am returning to this work after taking significant time away from it, and am feeling really messy about the process of creating again. I am still finding the confidence to be my authentic self, and I’m scared of failing after trying and failing so many times when it comes to pursuing my passions.

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As I navigate through this current stage in my life that is decorated with uncertainty, self-doubt, and anxiety, I am reminded of other times I have felt similarly.

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I am taken back to the time I was grounded all Summer at 14. My first rodeo, if you will. This particular Summer I was forced to sit with my thoughts and I felt extremely frustrated with life. My family was going through a terrible time financially and emotionally after my parents divorce and I was terrified of being left behind once my brother, my steady companion through all the hardship, graduated high-school.

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Every day, I went on a walk with my dogs to the nearby railroad tracks to try and find answers, or at least, some semblance of peace. This was before smartphones so there was really nothing to distract me from the sound of my thoughts or the restlessness I felt inside. Most days, nothing came to me and it felt like nothing could save me from the desolation I felt. But, then one day, it came to me. I decided I wanted to study abroad in Italy. My family was not in a financial position to fund this, but I knew that I could make it happen. I got a job at 14 and worked my ass off for 2 years. I saved money from my job, fundraised for myself, and sold silk-screened t-shirts and bags I made to raise the money I needed. Sure enough, at 16 I had what I needed to study abroad. I applied for a 7-month program, and got accepted to live with an incredible host family in Milan, Italy. It was one of the best times of my life.

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My time abroad helped give me perspective on my life, and being immersed in a new culture and language forced me to be present in a way I never had been. This experience taught me that I am extremely capable of achieving great things, but I never would have learned that about myself if I wasn’t forced into a position where I had to crawl inch by painful inch into the unknown future.

And this, my friend, brings me to some ideas I have about how you and I can both find the courage to move forward in times when we feel stuck and faced with looming uncertainty. ​
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1. Draw inspiration from real-life experiences

Take a look back at your life and identify times where you found the courage to move forward in the face of difficulty. Fill out as much detail as possible as you do this. What and who helped move you ahead? What happened when you overcame the obstacles that were facing you? Each one of us has stories in our lives that we can draw upon for strength and wisdom. Our past stories give us clues to what can help us in our current situation and remind us that we are more capable than we often give ourselves credit for.

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2. Take the next step, even when you can’t see far ahead

Some of the best advice I ever received is “there’s always a next step.” Even if you don’t know exactly what your destination is in this period of uncertainty, look for what the next step is every day, and take action. This could be as simple as folding your laundry or taking a shower. Or it could be editing your resume, submitting your portfolio, buying a set of watercolors, or calling up a friend. Trust that each step you take, no matter how seemingly small and insignificant, is moving you forward towards your destiny. Over time, the path will become clear, but it all starts with taking the next step.

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3. Identify where you need help, and ask for help

I am not someone that finds it easy to ask for help, so I know that this can be difficult, but it is essential. None of us can go through life alone, and it’s important for us to find the people that can support us. In my current situation, this looks like taking the plunge to work with a business coach to help me navigate the path forward for the Self-Love Garden. In the past, it’s been asking my mom to help me pay for therapy and asking my sister to help edit my online course.
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Something that I find really helpful in the process of identifying where I need help, is to first make a list of the people in my life who I know love and support me. This is usually a list of people in my inner circle, who I really trust. Making this helps me to remember that I am not alone and that I have people in my life who want to see me succeed. From there, I write down what I am really struggling with, and see if there is anyone from my support system that I can reach out to that can help with this. Whatever it is that you need help with, know that you are worthy of receiving love, support and help and you are not a burden!

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I have been using this time to reconnect with nature, play and rest

4. Acknowledge how far you’ve come

In my experience, when I’m in a slower stage of life faced with uncertainty, it can be easy to lose sight of how far I’ve come. It can make me question if I made any progress at all. But this isn’t true! If you are feeling stuck, take a minute to acknowledge yourself for how much you have grown. What skills have you learned leading up to this point? What goals have you accomplished? What lessons have you learned? If you’ve ever hiked up a mountain, you know that one of the most important parts of the journey is to stop along the way, drink some water and look out to the horizon to appreciate the scenery. These “inch-by-inch” times in life are your chance to pause and notice how much perspective you have at this stage in your life. You’re not starting from the bottom! You have already come so far, and you deserve to be celebrated for that. Doing this will help you build up your self-esteem and boost your confidence for the road ahead.

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5. Trust that good things are on their way.

When I look back at the periods in my life where I have been challenged to move inch by inch in the face of uncertainty, it was always followed by a spectacular period of life. The times vary for how long it took me to get there, but I ALWAYS got there. Trust that this period of time will also lead you to great things, even if it doesn’t momentarily feel like it. Good things are on their way for you, so keep building the muscle of self-trust, know that you are loved and supported, and keep putting one foot in front of the other! You got this!
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No matter what you are going through right now, know that I am cheering you on!