How to Sooth Holiday Blues

I stopped trying to make Christmas the same joyous occasion it once was.

I’ve opted instead to focus on accepting the wave of grief that is inevitable for me this time of year. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had enjoyable holidays, I have, and I am so grateful for them. It means that I’ve stopped putting pressure on myself to feel nothing but happy during this season, and I’ve let go of all social expectations that surround Christmas.

It was a beautiful, snowy Christmas morning in Santa Fe. Despite my parents separating a few months earlier, they miraculously agreed that it was important for us to spend the holiday together as a family. I held so much hope in my heart. Maybe there would be a Christmas miracle. Maybe things could go back to the way they were. Maybe my parents would fall in love again.

Everyone was trying to make things feel normal. We went around opening presents, and when it was my turn I couldn’t believe what I held in my hands. An iPod! It was the most expensive gift I ever received. I tried my best to show excitement. It’s something I always wanted. But when I looked up and around me, all I could feel was an undeniable sense of melancholy permeating the entire room. My parents were forcefully grinning, even though inside, I knew their hearts were broken. Mine was too. There was no Christmas miracle that day and things never went back to the way they were.

In the years that followed, we all did our best to navigate the choppy waters of my parents’ divorce, and tried with all our might to make the most out of a horrible situation. As strong, capable, loving and hardworking my family is, there was no smooth sailing. Christmas seemed to bring the worst of it to the surface – blindly illuminating everything we had lost and every piece that was broken.

Eventually, I stopped trying to make Christmas the same joyous occasion it once was. I’ve opted instead to focus on accepting the wave of grief that is inevitable for me this time of year. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had enjoyable holidays, I have, and I am so grateful for them. It means that I’ve stopped putting pressure on myself to feel nothing but happy during this season, and I’ve let go of all social expectations that surround Christmas.

Although this might sound depressing, it is actually quite the opposite. Since making this adjustment, I have given myself the spaciousness to find healing, joy, and pleasure during this time of year. Why? Because I’m not resisting my true feelings anymore, and this allows me to accept myself exactly as I am, without any judgement, guilt or shame.

With that being said, I want to give you 3 tips on how to sooth Holiday Blues! ​

1. Invite your challenging emotions inside

Often times when feelings like grief, longing, sadness or discomfort knock on the door of our hearts we want to (and often do) slam the door on them. We want to yell “Go away and don’t come back!” We can’t stand the sight of them. But even when we shut the door on them, they are still there. Waiting, banging louder and louder until we let them in. It’s easy to want to ignore them, but what they really need is to be invited in. Like everything in life, they want to be loved and accepted. So make them a seat at your dinner table. Allow them to dine with you and sit by the fire place. It’s okay for you to feel sad, longing, sadness, grief, or whatever you need to feel. The truth is, when you suppress these emotions, you suppress all of your emotions, even the good ones. So feel them and have a good cry. You just might be surprised by what comes after --- an opening for joy, compassion and gratitude.

2. Amplify your comforts

Now is the time to lean into all the things that bring you comfort without guilt or shame. Indulge in some delicious sweets. Buy a fuzzy robe and blankets. Brew your favorite tea or sip hot chocolate. Cuddle up and watch a silly rom-com. Give yourself full permission to cozy up and indulge in all things that bring you comfort. If you want to get some great ideas for this, look up the Nordic concept of “Hygge.” You’ve gone through a lot this last year, and you deserve to treat yourself!

3. Create new traditions that you love

A big reason why this is such an emotionally challenging time of year for me is because I really used to love Christmas, and my family had some great holiday traditions. Part of my pain stems from the fact that these traditions can’t bring the same level of joy that they used to –and instead remind me of what I lost. To remedy this, I have found that creating new traditions that hold no emotional memory has brought me a lot of healing. Some traditions that I have started and hope to continue are: visiting holiday markets (although this is currently on pause), exchanging a book with my husband on Christmas Eve (a tradition borrowed from Finland), making a customized calendar every year with pics of my loved ones, and going on frequent outdoor walks with a hot drink in hand. Perhaps for you it’s watching a certain movie, making a certain craft or cooking a certain meal. Allow yourself to be creative here and explore different activities you might enjoy.

If you’re feeling blue this season, I hope these tips help you! If you have any tips of your own, please share below. I’m sure someone will deeply appreciate it!