Stop Caring What Other People Think, and Reclaim your own Self-Perception!
The lens you view your body from the most often has a huge impact on your body image. Those who primarily view themselves from the outside most often tend to have higher body insecurity, whereas those who primarily tune into how their body feels have more body respect and confidence.
If you fall into the first category, have no fear! I’m going to be sharing 5 tips to help you shift your perspective.
When you think about your body, from what perspective do you view yourself most often? Is it from the eye of an observer? Do you constantly think about the way you look from the lens of someone outside of you? Or do you view your body from the lens of internal awareness? In other words, do you naturally tune into the way your body feels on the inside?
I bring these questions to your attention because the lens you view your body from the most often has a huge impact on your body image. Those who primarily view themselves from the outside most often tend to have higher body insecurity, whereas those who primarily tune into how their body feels have more body respect and confidence.
If you fall into the first category, have no fear! I’m going to be sharing 5 tips to help you shift your perspective. But first let me explain how you may have gotten to where you are now.
When you were born, you did not care about the way you looked. You had a natural ability to tune into your different bodily states like being tired, hungry, needing to be held, or needing to move. As you began to grow up, you started developing more of an awareness about how you looked and how you came off to others. This is a natural part of developing, that when nurtured in a loving environment, can help you become an empathetic, respectful and compassionate person, while still maintaining a strong sense of self-trust and ability to listen to your body.
If, however, you grew up in an environment that didn’t respect your bodily needs, or were surrounded by heavy expectations to look or be a certain way, you may have learned to distrust your inner experience, and place more of an importance on the way you looked instead of how you felt on the inside in order to survive.
But it’s not quite as simple as that. Here’s where things get complicated.
If you are a woman, regardless of how your home environment was, you have been flooded with media that sexually objectifies women and girls. You’ve been catcalled on the street when you’re minding your own business countless times. You’ve been punished for wearing inappropriate clothing that’s “too distracting” for the men at school or work. Your looks have been commented on for better or worse for as long as you can remember. Lastly, and most devastatingly, you know the real danger of going anywhere alone, so yes, you are hyper aware of how you look at all times.
These experiences have without a doubt impacted you and your perception of your body - how could they not? And, most likely, these experiences forced you to adopt a perception of yourself that is based on an outsiders gaze. In psychology, the term for this is called “self-objectification.” When you self-objectify it means your attention is primarily focused on the way you look instead of the way you feel inside. Even though this can have really detrimental effects on your mental, emotional, and physical health, I believe it is a survival mechanism. You learned from a young age that the way you looked could influence whether or not you were accepted or rejected, safe or unsafe. You adopted this perception to protect yourself and get by in an unfair and often dangerous world.
However, if your dominant perspective of yourself is the outsiders gaze, your vision will never be clear. You will always see yourself as not being enough. You will not be able to see yourself from a place of unconditional love because you will always be looking at yourself from a place of judgement. Even though this perception may have helped you survive up until now, it’s time to lay it to rest so you can find inner peace and reclaim your life and body as your own.
So let’s get into it.
Here are 5 tips to help you tap back into the experience of living in your body so you can reclaim your own perspective and put the observer’s gaze in the back seat (where it belongs)!
1) Practice Body Scan Meditations
Body Scan meditations guide you through a process of tuning into your body and help you bring awareness to any and all sensations you are experiencing. I have had some of my most healing moments during these meditations because they don’t only help you in tuning into what you feel physically, but also what you’re feeling emotionally. They help you connect your body experiences with your mental, emotional and spiritual states and are a great way to develop a line of communication with your body. Be sure to sign up for my Free mini-course “How to Love Your Body in 3 Days” if you would like to receive daily meditations to help you with this!
2) Pay Attention to and Appreciate what your Body can DO
When you are feeling insecure about your body or the way you look, this is one of the most helpful exercises. Throughout your day, I want you to notice all the ways your body supports you in your life. The way your arm can reach a cup from the top shelf, the way you can walk up and down the stairs, there is no act that is too small to appreciate. Take it one step further and pay special attention to the areas of your body you are most insecure about. For example, if you're insecure about your arms, bring appreciation to the way they help you hug your partner and show your love for them. If it’s your tummy, acknowledge the way your stomach allows you to eat delicious food, absorb nutrients and digest. At the end of the day write down everything you observed and what you appreciate that your body does for you - how it supports you, and helps you live a good life.
3) Find Movement that brings you Joy!
When you are observing yourself from an outside perspective, you are stuck in your mental world. This is why it’s necessary for you to find a way to drop out of your head and into your body. One of the best ways to do this is through any type of movement that brings you joy! Take time to explore what this means for you, and know that it can change on different days. If you have a negative relationship with exercise or exercise specifically for aesthetic reasons, this is especially important. I want you to do your best to let go of the perception that only really intense exercise counts as movement. Instead, I want you to give yourself permission to play here. Take a dance class, get out and garden, go on a walk, roll on the ground, or play with your pets. Whatever brings you joy, do that, and when you do, pay special attention to how it feels inside your body.
4) Find your Safe Places
As a woman, I am intimately familiar with the dangers that pose a threat to my body all the time. I’m sure you are too. That’s why it is crucial for you to take the time to find your safe places - places where you are free to just be yourself, where you don’t have to monitor your body or be hyper alert about your surroundings. This could be your home, your bathtub, your friends house, your yoga studio, a boutique, a place in nature, or anywhere else where you just feel safe. Take notice not only of the physical spaces that help you feel this way but also the people. Carve out time to relish in these spaces and with these people as much as possible.
5) Notice your Body Glimmers
Recently, I learned about the concept of “Glimmers.” Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They are the experiences that help you feel joy, safety, and soothing as opposed to feeling threatened and in danger. I want you to specifically notice your Body Glimmers, meaning the experiences that bring your body joy, safety, and soothing. This could be taking a hot shower and feeling the stream of water run down your back, the smell of fresh rain as you step outside your house, the softness of your dogs fur against your hand, or the warmth of an embrace from a loved one. When you have these types of experiences I want you to intentionally notice them and say “mmm, this makes me glimmer”....or “this is a glimmer” or….”I feel glimmery.” Get creative with it. Taking note of these experiences will help you come back into your body and find tremendous joy in life.
Now, I invite you to choose one of these suggestions to test out this week and see how it feels!
If this resonates with you, and you are ready to invest in your self-love and body appreciation, I invite you to check out my self-paced online course: “Building Body Love.”