4 Lessons I Learned about Self-Love from my Mother’s Garden

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“Like gardening, the work of self-love never stops.

Even when you start reaping the rewards of self-love, you still have to tend to yourself. You still have to check in with yourself, continue practicing positive habits, and asking yourself “what’s needed today?” Self-love is a daily practice.”

A few years ago, my mom and step-dad bought a fixer upper that they could work on and eventually move into once they retired. They both love home improvement projects - and in my opinion would be great hosts for an HGTV show - but that’s another story. Anyway, after they bought the place, they were trying to decide where to start. Everything needed work, and they knew it was likely going to take years to complete their vision. Eventually, they decided that instead of starting on the home itself, they would first work on creating a beautiful garden. This way, they had a place to rest and enjoy while they were taking breaks from working on the house.

They started by first tilling the soil and getting a lay of the land. They dug out most of the weeds, but decided to keep a few wildflowers that were already there. They started a compost to keep the soil healthy and put in rain barrels to capture any extra water. When it came time to plant, they had to choose plants and vegetables that would do well in a desert environment. They planted irises, lavender, sage, squash, sunflowers, snap dragons, yucca, and marigolds. Every day they returned to their garden. They composted, they pulled weeds, they watered. Over time, their garden became abundant with all the colors of the rainbow. Irises bloomed in purple, orange and yellow. Sunflowers grew taller than me! The aroma of sage and lavender mixed in the air. Honey bees, dragonflies and butterflies had an extravaganza! At one point, so many flowers grew that the garden became overcrowded and my mom had to dig up some irises to give to my brother so he could start his own garden. Even though their flowers bloomed and vegetables grew, they never stopped tending to their garden.


Watching my mom and step-dad grow their garden has been beautiful to witness. But more than that, it has taught me some of my most important lessons in self-love.

Lesson 1) Self-Love is like gardening

Like gardening, the work of self-love never stops. Even when you start reaping the rewards of self-love, you still have to tend to yourself. You still have to check in with yourself, continue practicing positive habits, and asking yourself “what’s needed today?” Self-love is a daily practice. Just like my mother’s garden requires her attention every day in some form or another to survive, grow and flourish, you too need attention from yourself every day if you wish to cultivate, grow and nourish self-love.

Lesson 2) Self-Love asks you to get a lay of the land.

My mom and step-dad live in the desert of New Mexico. The soil is thick and water is sparse. They couldn’t grow the same type of plants or use the same exact methods that someone in New Hampshire could to grow their garden. Instead, they had to understand the land, and work with it instead of forcing it to be something it wasn’t. Similarly, self-love asks you to get to know yourself so you can learn how to nourish yourself more fully. Only you know your background, your environment, your resources, your lifestyle, your likes, dislikes, dreams and desires. Self-love requires you to consider these factors as you learn how to tend to and care for yourself. You can’t force yourself to be someone else, or to have the exact same situation as someone else. Because of this, you have to learn how to love yourself in your own unique way - and that may look different than your co-worker, cousin, or crush.

Lesson 3) Self-Love gives you a sanctuary to rest and enjoy.

Just as my parents' garden gave them a beautiful place to rest and enjoy while they worked on their other home projects, self-love provides you with a sanctuary to revel in as you work towards all of your dreams and goals. When you know, like and love yourself you always have a safe place to retreat to no matter what you’re working on in life. Even though self-love is a daily practice and takes its own kind of work, it is the gift that keeps on giving, and makes everything else in life more beautiful and enjoyable.

Lesson 4) When you love yourself, you have more to give to others.

As I mentioned earlier in the story, my mom’s garden grew so big she had to dig up some of her irises to give away to my brother. Similarly, when you love and tend to yourself daily, your heart, mind and soul will become so overflowing, you will have no choice but to give that love to others! Not only that, but you will be giving from a place of abundance and joy rather than from a place of obligation or exhaustion. Just as my mom helped my brother start his own garden, you will inspire others to love themselves and start their own garden of self-love!

As you reflect on these lessons, I invite you to journal on the following questions:

What does your unique garden of self-love need to thrive? In what ways do you need to tend to yourself daily? How can you do this thoughtfully while considering your background, lifestyle, resources, likes, dislikes, dreams and desires? How do you think loving yourself will impact the other people in your life?

If you wish, feel free to share your responses with me by leaving a comment below!

I hope you find some time this week to tend to and nourish your garden so you can enjoy the beauty and peace of self-love.

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